Please excuse me while I indulge in a little self-pity today.
I am just flat out tired of being gay. I realize, of course, that the sun doesn’t shine on the same dog’s ass every day. But honestly feel like I haven’t had any real warmth in forever. I like to pretend like I am Mr. Cool who doesn’t care if he fits in or not. However, the deep down truth is that I care very much. All of my life I have struggled with the desire to fit in and the inability to do so.
It would be so much easier to be straight. Right? Let’s face it, life is just easier when you are straight. Finding someone is easier – I’m not suggesting it’s always easy, just easier. You don’t have to feel uncomfortable, fake it or make everyone uncomfortable when the topic of romance comes up. You don’t have to work to find that balance that a gay man/lesbian woman must have between being authentic and being needlessly confrontational.
Yup, I want to be normal. Be straight. Have a wife and kids.
And I’m disappointed that I don’t and can’t. And I’m disappointed in my life.
On the bright said, aren’t we lucky that we live in a day where we can actually focus on personal satisfaction and meaning? Think of it. Even 100 years ago, most people only had time to focus on staying alive.
You are certainly NOT alone with these same feelings. It is not easy. Who would choose a life that is different, and one where you have to work hard for acceptance and equality?
ReplyDeleteAt the same time, we are who we are. We must come to accept that fact.
Know you have friends that love and support you. Take care!
I agree. Life is hard. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. But, at the same time, living a difficult life gives us the strength to be amazing people - and to help others who are struggling in different ways. And on the topic of romance, I find it's easiest to simply be authentic - but not overt. I just haven't clicked with any girls yet. It might not ever happen, but no one else needs to know that. You can do it. Living a good life is worth all the trouble.
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