Ok, I'm going to freely admit that I'm a hypocrite to some extent. And I think by lack of understanding and prejudice keep me from being too judgmental of those who just cannot understand or accept homosexuals. I just do not understand how anyone can be transgendered.
Yes, I'm gay. Yes, I am attracted to guys. But I'm very much comfortable and happy being a male. I certainly wouldn't want to be a female.
I try, but fail, to comprehend how someone can be one gender physically yet have a mental state of the opposite gender. I want to understand. I know I should understand because I ask, even expect, those around me to understand my gayness. The spirit is very much willing...But I just don't get it.
I doubt I'm alone in this regard.
I don't get it either. A few years ago my wife's father told us that he was transgendered and we really struggled with it. At that time I was doing everything I could to supress my gayness and to stay in line with the church. We limited our exposure to him and we certainly wanted to protect our kids from his "confusion." Gradually I started to see more TV shows about transgendered people and I softened my tone towards him. Then when I came out to my wife, I tried harder to understand his lot in life as I tried to get my wife to understand mine. At this point, I still don't get it totally. But I'm convinced that the disconnect that these folks feel is genuine and they are tormented as they try to make sense of it. I love being a man and I love everything manly. I wouldn't chang that for anything. But others feel something different apparently. As my father in law comes to the end of his life, we feel awful for the difficult path he's trod. As my wife and I prepare to separate and strike out on new lives where we love and support each other, we wish that he could have found that peace and true sense of self. The whole thing baffles me as well, but I remain open to further light and knowledge.
ReplyDeleteA friend confided in me that his son wants to start transitioning into a woman, expecting me to understand because I'm gay. I don't understand the desire to be anything other than a man, but I do understand what it is like to be "different" and to not be understood. My heart goes out to all in such a situation.
ReplyDeleteA friend confided in me that his son wants to start transitioning into a woman, expecting me to understand because I'm gay. I don't understand the desire to be anything other than a man, but I do understand what it is like to be "different" and to not be understood. My heart goes out to all in such a situation.
ReplyDeleteOne of my best friends has been transitioning (FTM) for the past few years. He grew up in the church and had many similar experiences to ones you might have had.
ReplyDeleteFor example, many gay, lesbian, and bisexual men and women experience their first homosexual desires early in life-- that border between elementary and middle school (or earlier). In 6th grade, he started telling people he was indeed a boy and dressing the part. He developed feelings for girls and just felt like his body didn't match the rest.
Believe it or not, another trans friend recommends a Disney song for understanding what it feels like. Reflection from Mulan: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5A_Rl8aQxII
A related analysis:
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/WMG/Mulan
You don't have to understand. Just accept others for who they feel they are inside.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it is one of those ?!?!? I wrote about the lesbians on my blog and I get that is hard to understand, but just as anything and as others have pointed out, I get the part about feeling different and knowing understanding that there was something unusual and again, if anything allows me to accept that there's all kinds of flavors, sizes and tastes in the good Lord's vine! I was watching a little snippet of Chaz Bono's interview with Oprah and he talks about this issue and the transition as he went from female to male. Jeff's roommate was watching the full TV special on Sunday, I'm sure it is out there in cyberland.
ReplyDeleteHugs,Miguel
What Jenz said. None of us can fully understand someone who is different from us. That's okay, as long as we accept them for who they are.
ReplyDeleteFrom the Mormon Church doctrine the T in the LGBT could be the only queer group still going to heaven. It is said that gender is a pre-mortal mortal and eternal identity. However, the human body is not perfect so it could be understandable how a women sole is inside a male looking body.
ReplyDeleteThe T in LGBT are the most courageous of all. They choose to be their true selves without major acceptance from both the straight and queer community even in the face of death. I wish I had that conviction for being gay. Instead I hide behind my camera and hope no one recognizes who I am.
I agree with your post. It's not something I understand or identify with, really. I don't even really get how it gets thrown in with the LGB, either. Seems like an entity unto itself, especially since people who feel that way sometimes choose to attach themselves to the opposite gender.
ReplyDeleteBut, as has been said, it doesn't matter who the other person is, we have been commanded to love them and help them in whatever way we can. I don't get it, but I don't have to. It's not essential to my salvation.
I get what you meant Cinder, but the church leadership handbook says that people who get a sex change should be exed, I think.
ReplyDeleteAnd I had, and I guess still have some difficulty understanding this, but it is easier when understand the words sex and gender to be separate from one another. Sex is your physical anatomy. We like to think it is a nice neat binary; male and female, but it isn't. More on that in a minute.
Gender is all the behaviours and thoughts we have that tie us to different genders. Gender is very complex, as we often perform our gender in different ways depending on who is present, often without even thinking about it. It is unclear how much of our gender is biological, and how much is socialized, or taught to us, but the answer is likely some combination of the two. And society often labels certain traits as applying to one gender or another, when they really aren't, (like saying women are emotional, and men are rational, I have met plenty emotional men, and rational women).
Gender exists as some sort of continuum, and some people are somewhere in the middle and some people are towards the ends.
As for the sex part, some people are born intersexed, or with genitalia that indeterminately makes them one sex or another. When this happens the doctors usually make an assignment, and do a quick 're'constructive surgery. It is often never charted, and it is done before doing any chromosome testing (not that that is conclusive either, you can have three chromosome combinations, which complicate things, and sometimes people with an XY, are still born female, because the Y is disabled).
Some speculate that when the doctors guess wrong, these people will feel like the wrong sex later in life, but it is impossible to be sure, because longitudinal studies can't be done, because these cases are so rarely even recorded.
One case is a boy, who was a twin, went to be circumcised when he was twoish. But an accident led to the doctors deciding to reassign him as a girl, (because they could do that, but they couldn't build him a new penis yet, science hadn't progressed that far when this happened) so the mom was told to raise her son as a girl. And She/He knew most of his life that he wanted to be a boy, he identified as a boy, and was very unhappy at his mom insisting he was a girl. Eventually in his teens his mom told him what had happened, and he started transitioning back to being a male.
Many aspects of our gender can be tied to biology, at least to some degree, and so it is entirely possible to have one sex, and another gender, and be born that way.
I could keep going, but I won't. This is long enough. Sorry about that. The sex/gender distinction is something I am a little passionate about.