Am I Really Gay?

Well for heaven's sake, of course I am.  I find the idea of my personal involvement in any kind of sexual intimacy with a woman repulsive.  In fact when my straight friends (which is to say virtually all of my friends) express their difficulty in imaging how one can be homosexual, I tell them that I feel the same way about sex with a woman as they do about sex with another man.

But I do remember when I was 13, maybe 14, I had a sleep over with a couple of friends.  We ended up alone (ie. no parents or siblings around) and one of them produced a little video entertainment.  VHS was just beginning to become common, and with it arrived a brave new world of pornographic options.  The feature film that evening was a grainy bootleg copy (I asked no questions as to its source - an early adoption of "don't ask, don't tell") involving "Duke", a girl (or two - who can keep track?) and, believe it or not, a cameo by a chicken. No real poultry fornication, just a post-coitus leer at our guest star.  I have no really specific memory of the film, but do recall being aroused.

Flash forward 5 years and I am a senior in high school.  My parents were traveling, as they often did what with me being alone in the house and relatively self sufficient.  One of my 18 year old buddies was actually willing to rent a porn, and could amazingly keep a straight face doing so.  Our entertainment procured and my parents gone, it was a "guys night" at my place.  Probably 6 or 7 friends (all of them LDS - hopefully you my kind readers find that a amusing as I do) came a runnin'.  Of course the "renter" and I had to preview the movie which I remember involved two guys and one gal - this I remember clearly because I was very much surprised by some, errr, "activities" I would have never before supposed were possible.  Again, I became aroused during the preview and excused myself to use the restroom, which my more wordly friend immediately saw through as indicated by the comments he was yelling upstairs.

So, in both of these instances I was aroused.  Both instances involved a female (multiple females perhaps).  Of course both instances also involved males.  And perhaps if lesbian porn without any male participation was involved, I would not have found it to my liking.  I can honestly say I'd never even thought about it until recently, some 25-30 years later.  But having reflected on it, I have a very hard time reconciling these events with what I know about myself today.  Perhaps sexuality really isn't so narrowly and precisely defined for us as we would believe, or others would have us believe.