I Want to Hold Your Hand?

Yeah, you got that something,

I think you'll understand

When I feel that something

I want to hold your hand

The Beatles

I Want to Hold Your Hand

I  was watching a coming out video today.  As I've mentioned before, this is a hobby of mine, mostly born of the desire to see gay young people starting out life with a healthy recognition of who they are and a confidence I could hardly even dream of.  But that's not what this post is about.  I'm sure I'll have plenty of future posts where I can snivel about my poor, misunderstood childhood.

No the thing that was most interesting about post was his oh-so-typical efforts to date his way to straightness.  Nothing particularly novel about that idea.  I think most of us tried that at least once.  I was struck, however, by his statement that one of his longer hetero relationships never advanced beyond hand holding.  Here's what caught my attention - he said he could hardly stand to do that.

I always thought I was somewhat unique in that regard.  I mean I know a lot of gay men find kissing a female unappealing but I thought I was alone in thinking handholding is, well, icky.  At least with a girl.  I mean, clammy things those hands.  Either cold or sweaty.  Awkwardly trying to adjust fingers.  Finding the right sway/stride when walking oh-so-romantically down the road.  Second worst part of every one of my pseudo-hetero relationships.  The first was the inevitable requirement that at least some kissing, however chaste, take place.

I've wondered if I'd feel that way with the right guy.  See, my life is as described in The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel:  I'm gay - but really more in theory than in practice.  Perhaps I really do want to hold your hand and just don't know it?