Honesty - Truly the Best Policy?

I was talking to my oldest brother today.  We were discussing a variety of issues when we landed on the topic of a family member who lives a lifestyle that is inconsistent with the wishes of that person's parents.  I have no issues with the lifestyle.  I do not share the parents' moral values in this regard and the family member in question has long been an adult.  However his family member also  thinks that everyone believes that lifestyle is something other than it really is - essentially that everyone is fooled.  

My brother came to the conclusion that his honesty about how he was living and who he was associating with was, in retrospect, disrespectful to our parents.  His position is that he should have simply allowed them to believe what they wanted to believe instead of being so open about how he was living when he was a young man.  I had never really thought of it that way, and was prepared to dismiss it out of hand.  

But now I wonder.  Perhaps he has a point.

The opening pages of the Book of Mormon tell us a story of dishonesty.  Right out of the gate.  Did Nephi not commit a highly dishonest act at the opening of the narrative.  Setting aside the morally relativistic issue of his killing Laban, did not putting on Laban's clothes and fooling his servants in the process of taking what wasn't his rise to a pretty high level of dishonesty?

I have an old friend who I consider to be a most excellent person.  Outstanding character.  Generous soul.  Thoughtful towards others.  Fair in his dealings. Salt of the earth type.  But I recall many, many years ago, he told me that he had missed a deadline that would result in a pretty significant financial penalty.  He then made it clear that he was going to adjust his reporting in order to avoid the penalty.  His statement was basically that there was no way he was going to forfeit that much money. I remember being a bit shocked, being a believer at the time in absolute honesty.  His actions did not have much impact on my view of him, but it was a bit of an eye opener.

It sounds cynical, but I do not believe there is such a thing as an absolutely honest person.  Contrary to the fairy tale we like to believe about children, they learn the value of a good ass-saving lie early and proceed to employ the mechanism often.  George Washington can and did tell lies.  President Obama, a man for whom I have great respect, has stated absolutely that he would not agree to keeping the tax cuts in place for those making over $250k.  Yet just recently he offered a much higher threshold.  Do I look fat in this dress?  How fast were you going when I pulled you over?  What time did you get home last night?  So you say that meal was a business expense?  I didn't get the e-mail.  Etc., etc., etc.  We are kidding ourselves when we profess absolute honesty.  The surest sign of dishonesty is when a person claims he is never dishonest.  Such a person truly isn't to be trusted.

I still think I disagree with my brother.  Within the context of my being gay, I believe I owed it to myself and should have trusted my family enough to have put my gayness on the table long before I did.  I believe that one shows the greater trust and respect for those one loves by sharing one's true self with them.  Nevertheless, I think the only person we owe absolute honesty to is ourselves.  So long as we can honestly assess who we are, what we are doing and why we are doing it, we are doing ok in life.