I've talked before about my approach to coming out. Everyone who is close to me in my personal life knows that I am gay. There are a few I have never told per se, but I know they know because I also no longer put effort into hiding my orientation.
Work, however, is a different thing. I've written a little about my approach before: That I basically do not believe that discussions of sexual orientation (hetero or homo) are work place appropriate. But I also know that I don't want to come out at work. There is only one person who knows, although there are a few that assume it because they know a bit about my past.
However Public Loneliness' post got me thinking. Is my logical basis for not coming out at work a mere rationalization - an excuse to hide. I am a financial controller, but I work in a very "manly" industry with very "manly" people. I'm not excited at all about them knowing I am gay, and afraid of what would happen to my very comfortable work environment.
Other than being 41, single and not dating (ok, and liking show tunes), I'm not particularly readily identifiable as gay. Or am I kidding myself on that point?
But why do you feel you need to come out? Coming out, for me personal, is a need to know basis. If there is no other need, than to just tell them, then don't do it... just my opinion though.
ReplyDeleteHey man:
ReplyDeleteI've been told the same thing, why the need to come out? I see it as a definite way to tell people what they may already suspect/know but it is also for me. Having said that, you do have to consider the issue of will your coming out help your situation or relationship or potentially endanger it. I suppose is like rolling the dice, but when it comes to your livelihood in these times I would certainly err on the side of caution. So, which is your favorite show tune? LOL
hugs,pl
There isn't really a need to come out at work as far as I have experienced, except for HR if it concerns issues with benefits or harassment.
ReplyDeleteIn my situation I never just announced it. I just become friends with my co-workers. In the natural course of conversations that we may have on the side, issues such as family and dating and life all, I will end up coming out eventually. I still have a choice to back out of the conversation by not saying anything. I never just say I'm gay. I use the appropriate pronouns like everyone else uses. They get the idea real quick. If I'm not making a big deal about it and treating my life as if it's a scandal, then they don't feel the need to be uncomfortable. But it does depend on the person. Some people are already hostile toward people who are different. I don't really have anything to say to them but work related stuff anyway.
Most of the time I use Facebook to come out to people. It's a way of allowing some people the space to adjust without having to face me, if that's something they need to do.