I really struggled with putting this post out there. I fear that it may be inappropriate and misunderstood. But, hey, it's my blog so I'm going ahead with it.
Let me say right up front what this post is not: It is most definitely NOT an offer for a hookup. It is not intended to be offensive or insulting to those who have chosen to follow LDS beliefs regarding sexual activity and the appropriate boundaries thereof - I have too much respect for those gay Mormons who choose to walk that difficult path. Nor is it designed to create controversy for controversy's sake.
My point is to express a feeling that I have felt ever more strongly in recent weeks.
Plain and simple: I want to have sex. And I want to have it with an attractive, young virile male. Yes, I would like to have someone to be a companion in my life. I see what a wonderful thing that would be. But I also believe that an innate part of us all longs for the pleasure of sexual relations. And, after years of stifling my sexuality and all of the damage that has caused myself and others, I want to experience this most unique and singular activity. And I mean with someone else. Masturbation is such a very lonely business. Soulless really.
So, while I am looking for love and companionship, right now I would settle for a wonderful sexual experience with someone whose company I could simply enjoy. With whom I could experience a "first time" and truly make it memorable. And, no, I'm not talking about a cheap one night stand, or a rent-a-boyfriend, but I also am no longer sold on the idea that sex is always and only for two people looking to be together permanently.
If this is an evil desire, then I guess I am evil. But some recent events have brought home to me just how fragile life is. I don't want to leave it a virgin. If my blog is to serve a purpose, my feelings have to be honest. And this is honestly how I feel.
I don't think it makes you evil to want to have sex. It makes you human. It is normal and appropriate to want a sexual relationship with someone.
ReplyDeleteWhat Grant said. Don't think lesser of yourself for wanting something so innate to your existence.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, sex can be a good experience, especialy when it's with a great freind who you can truly be comfortable with.
But, don't expect the first time to go very well. I lost my virginity just shy of my 40th b-day last year. Having never been physicaly intimate before, I was not conditioned to perform at all.
What the others said...
ReplyDeleteThere's the whole emotional, but also the physical side of sex. How you go about it is the tricky part but hey--as my therapist said: "you want me to tell you about the birds and the birds? Do I have to tell you about protection and all that stuff?" I know it sounds crazy but start out meeting someone, make sure you're comfortable with them and then lets things happen naturally and of course, send me pictures!! ha, ha!!
hugs,pl