This isn’t an easy one to answer really. I believe that living in Northern California allowed me to be a bit more liberal and broad minded, even within the confines of being raised in the Church, than I would have been able to have been in Utah. On the other hand, since I was basically closeted throughout my teenage / young adult years, I’m really not sure that there would have been any material difference between living in Utah or California during that time period of my life. The loneliness, fear and frustration would have been very similar.
Surprisingly, at least to me, I think that living in California right now is actually harder on me than living in Utah would be. I know of only one other MoHo from Sacramento who is (actually now was) a part of our little online community, and even he has moved on to greener pastures in Oregon or Washington or other parts north. To my knowledge, no other MoHo from the blogosphere is even from Northern California.But, you might opine, I could readily find a gay man here in Sacramento, which actually has a pretty vibrant gay com
munity, with a portion of mid-town forming something of a gay district. Think mini-San Francisco, but more laid back and relaxed and much less intense. In fact, that’s the perfect comparison of Sacramento to San Francisco. Laid back – less intense. A bunch of country mice so to speak.
munity, with a portion of mid-town forming something of a gay district. Think mini-San Francisco, but more laid back and relaxed and much less intense. In fact, that’s the perfect comparison of Sacramento to San Francisco. Laid back – less intense. A bunch of country mice so to speak.Here’s the problem. While I’m no longer active in the Church, and in fact have more or less rejected all religion and am a serious skeptic when it comes to even the existence of God, I still love my LDS heritage. My family is old Mormon stock – handcarts across the plains and all that. So, I would be much more comfortable with a person from a similar background. The Church frustrates me exceedingly at times, but I still have a fondness for it.
So, here I sit. A gay man in a reasonably gay-friendly and in many ways charming city. I’m sure I could find someone who would be 
interested in a middle aged, balding, slightly overweight, kind of boring but gainfully employed owner of the two greatest beagles in the whole world. I might even find someone younger and incredibly good looking (which is my dream guy) who would take pity on me. But, alas, he would almost assuredly not be from an LDS background. While if I lived in Utah, I would have more variety and choice even if the larger community is much less accepting.
interested in a middle aged, balding, slightly overweight, kind of boring but gainfully employed owner of the two greatest beagles in the whole world. I might even find someone younger and incredibly good looking (which is my dream guy) who would take pity on me. But, alas, he would almost assuredly not be from an LDS background. While if I lived in Utah, I would have more variety and choice even if the larger community is much less accepting.I envy you, my Utah MoHo friends! Or is it really the case of the grass is always greener? Sadly, it looks like the only one who will be loving me is … me!
If I were ever to have a bf, I'm not sure if I'd want him to be LDS/former LDS, because I'm not sure of the bitterness/"I-wanna-be-as-unMormon-as-I-can" quotient, but then, that opinion influenced by a lot of personal experiences, so it might be invalid for me to bring it up. :P
ReplyDeleteI am surprised to find that Affirmation doesn't have a chapter in Sacramento; I bet you could find lots of fellow Mohos (they probably don't know they're Mohos) in your area if the resources were there---want to get a new calling brother Controllerone & start a chapter there? Maybe start out contacting the SF chapter, that might be a good start, just sayin'
ReplyDeletehugs,pl
It's depressing, isn't it? You know there are more there, but they're keeping quiet. I was lucky enough to find another one in my singles branch—but he's still very closeted.
ReplyDeleteThings are still going well for you, I hope.
LDS Bro - I understand what you are saying. I most definitely would NOT want to be someone who was bitter about the Church, or who wasn't at least trying to move beyond it. I'm grateful for the many positives I received from membership and try hard to move beyond the things that hurt.
ReplyDeletePL - Hmmm. I'm all talk. Don't that I'd be ready for that - yet.
Matthew - Nice to know you still read the blogs! And I'm flattered you took a peak at mine. Yes, I am certain they are here, probably in vast numbers. I have an acquaintance that just got married and I'd bet money he is gay, but obviously cannot face it. One question - and it may be a Gaydar thing - but if the guy in the singles ward is closeted, how did you know he was gay? Or did he approach you since you are that rare exception - a gay Mormon from Sac who is actually known to be gay.
I didn't know he was gay at first. I was just attracted to him, so I sent out gentle feelers--letting our legs touch when we sat next to each other on a crowded couch, for example, or seeing how long he would hold eye contact--and he responded. I thought it was a futile exercise because he had a girlfriend at the time, but nope. He sent signals back and we ended up coming out to each other.
ReplyDeleteFunny how that works out sometimes.
Matt - What a different world you have grow up in from the one I experienced as a teenager/young adult! Although the cover girlfriend is sadly still around.... I had a few of those and the poor girls ended up being used. One of my many sources of guilt.
ReplyDelete