Accepted or Excepted

Accept:

"to receive with approval or favor"

Except:

"to exclude; leave out"

I am very fortunate in many ways.  My family and friends, the vast majority of whom are active LDS, have been loving, compassionate and understanding of my sexual orientation.  I cannot recall a cross or condemning word spoken about my being gay.  At least not within my hearing.  When I read posts about hurt, angry and even downright hostile attitudes some of the other members of our little community have to face, I really do recognize how lucky I have been.  So, I feel somewhat ungrateful and not a little whiny for even writing this post.

But, I simply can't help but feel like my sexuality is mostly just tolerated.  That instead of being accepted without reservation, in some intangible way I am excepted from the "normal" world that my family and friends inhabit.  While everyone one around me can talk about their heterosexual romances and interests, or those of their children/friends/siblings, any discussion of my sexual interests seems unwelcome.  "The love whose name cannot be spoken" so-to-speak.  And this isn't limited to my LDS friends.  I have found that those outside of Mormon culture, even those with no real religious beliefs at all, would often just rather not acknowledge the issue.

Again, this isn't open hostility.  Far from it.  In fact, the few occasions when I have mentioned an attraction or referred expressly to my homosexuality have not resulted in any awful experiences.  Just a slight undercurrent of discomfort.  And I have at least four friends, three LDS and one not, who seem to be perfectly comfortable with casual, random discussions of my sexuality or romantic longings.

Why does this really matter?  In many ways it doesn't.  I've never been an "out and proud" kind of guy.  I've always considered sexuality a mostly private and personal topic, whether one is straight or gay.  I simply don't see a need to wear a rainbow button. 

But, in the unlikely event that I ever find an outlet for my sexuality, it will create a problem.  If I actually ended up with a boyfriend or, gasp, got married to a guy, I believe it would be very difficult to continue to socialize with at least some of my friends and family.  I often wonder how I would be able to bring my dream guy to a family event.  Too much 'splainin needed methinks.  And I'm sympathetic.  How does my active LDS brother, whose core religious values scream that everything such a relationship stands for is wrong, explain it to his children?  How does my father, a former bishop, wrap his mind around such a open demonstration of who and what I am?  What if I had a picture of my boyfriend on my desk at work, which is something I would do by the way?  All these things are comfortably avoided right now.

No matter.  I'm probably over thinking it all anyway.  The honest truth is that I will most likely never have the opportunity to see how it would work out.  The most I can see possibly happening is a little fun in the sack at some point; maybe some evenings out.  But even that would be a stretch.

It would be nice, though, to think I could have a committed relationship with someone I loved AND be accepted by my family and friends instead of excepted from their normal world of acceptable relationships.