To My Friend Boskers

I was going to post this as a comment to Boskers’ recent post.  Boskers made reference to my post of a few weeks ago.

 

But it turned into a post of its own so here it is: 

Well, Boskers, I have mixed feelings. I'm very flattered that you have taken the time to read my post and that it was significant enough to you to warrant mention. On the other hand, I'm sorry that it was the source of pain for you.

I continue to believe everything I wrote. Options can narrow because of the passage of time and, much more significantly, as the inevitable result of accumulated bad decisions. Let me stress, however, that while I am certain that my options are severely constrained, I am unconvinced that YOURS are. In fact, I am confident, based on what I have read of your blog, that you have many, many opportunities ahead of you. Let me quote on of my thoughts from the post that troubled you:

I think young people haven't lived enough of life to understand that there is almost always a peak for every valley; a crest for every trough.  At least when you are young and haven't accumulated enough scars and mistakes to narrow your reality and eliminate options.

I don't want to sound condescending or paternal. I'm old enough to be your father, but only just barely. So I'm not that old. But as a friend, I offer the following three points for your consideration:

1. I sincerely doubt that you have made the kind of decisions in your life that will significantly limit your options. While I have chosen to not go into detail, suffice it to say that the mistakes I have made have permanently altered my life. Perhaps I am wrong about you, but I really don't think so. From what I can see, you have many paths to chose from. I am not suggesting that you are perfect. I am certain that you have done wrong because I simply do not know anyone who hasn't. Nevertheless, I find it unlikely that you have made a mistake that is life limiting.
   
   
2. You have only just begun to discover who you are. I went back and looked at some of your old posts. It is amazing to me to see how much you have changed, how far you have come, in just over a year. Please don't give up on yourself because you don't have it all right now when you have achieved so much in such a short time. You have a good heart. I can feel it from your posts. An honest, good heart. You will not be left alone. Your desires in a companion are reasonable and achievable. Don't allow yourself to be depressed because, having just figured out and accepted who and what you are, you haven't also found the "one". Patience, young grasshopper, patience. 
   
   
3. You are so very far ahead of where I was at your age. That running start will serve you well. I lived in a world of fear and self-loathing well into my mid-30s. Come to think of it, I still do, but that's another story. You have faced the facts about who and what you are and are so much stronger for it. You have many people who accept you and care about you as a gay man. Of course it would have been better if you could have figured these things out earlier. But remember, you have used up maybe 25% of your life. Very possibly less. Troubles come to all of us, and you will certainly have your down days. But there are so many choices left for you. Go out and make them – see what happens. Live life and live it well. I'm willing to bet when the final accounting is in you'll be happy with most of it.

Hang in there my young friend. Keep posting. Keep looking. Let yourself enjoy it all while it's happening.