The Value of Friends

I'm returning to a familiar, well-worn topic.  But it's a favorite and recent events have made me reflect on it even more than normal.  Friendship is the one indispensable thing in my life.  Without it I can honestly say I would not be here today.  My two brothers are very important to me, and I love them very much, but by themselves, they wouldn't be sufficient for me to stick around in this world.

I have many friends for whom I am very grateful, but I'm going to focus on four in this post.  They come from varied backgrounds, but they have two things in common:  They know and accept the fact that I am gay and they are each clearly straight.

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Friend #1:  Let's call him Val Po.  He's the newest of the four.  He's the youngest, by a long stretch.  And, uniquely, he is the only one I've never actually met in person.  We became friends last year through Twitter, the only internet social medium I use.  (Blogger doesn't count because the interactions are limited and I use it mostly as a diary.)  He is not LDS, and comes from a region with very little LDS presence.  Being from the American West, I'm always a surprised how folks east of Utah know so little of the LDS culture.  Our backgrounds and stages in life could not be more different.

Val and I have become very close since we first "met" ten months ago.  He's the only Twitter-based friend who I have text messaged and used FaceTime with.  Over time, Val has learned a lot about me, more than I would have ever imagined.  Deep, ugly things.  And I in turn have learned a lot about him - his insecurities, uncertainties, trials and embarrassments.  More I suspect than he ever thought he would say.  I have become very attached to Val.  In fact I love him like the younger brother I never had but always wanted and I'm certain he loves me.  All the more amazing because distance and circumstance have prevented us from seeing each other in person.  Perhaps that is some of the fun of the friendship - a uniqueness that sets it apart and makes it special.

Circumstances will prevent us from communicating for several months. I'm surprised how much I miss him already.  I'm at a bit of a loss without our daily exchanges of funny texts and complaints about life.  He's one awesome, thoughtful, kind and caring young man, although I fear he fails to see these things in himself no matter how often I point it out.  I hope all of my readers have a Val Po in their life at one time or another.

Friend #2:  Darwood has been my friend since he was 15 and I was his young sunday school teacher. We have know each other for over 16 years.  Darwood was my neighbor before he ventured out on his own.  He could (and sometimes did) walk across a back fence and be in my back yard.  He borrowed my car, complained about his family and even did his homework in my house while I hovered over him making sure it was actually getting done.

Darwood is now grown up and professional.  He is the father of three wonderful children who are rapidly growing up themselves.  Our relationship has matured from sunday school teacher/scout leader to peers and confidants.  I especially enjoy this relationship precisely because it did change and grow and I've had the chance to watch Darwood transform from a surely, smart ass teenager into a thoughtful, sensitive and loving fully developed adult.  Darwood's unique gift is the ability to be as straight as they come, and yet be incredibly sensitive, even emotional and loving.  Plus, I can tell Darwood when I see a really good looking guy and he will laugh and perhaps even sometimes agree.  It's nice to have a straight friend so confident in his own sexuality that he doesn't feel threatened by a discussion of the hotness level of someone I happen to notice.

I can truly say that, more than any single person in this world, Darwood is why I live today.  I hope you, dear reader, have a Darwood in your life right now.  Because if you don't, you are missing out.  But keep your mitts off - this Darwood is mine!

Friend #3:  Darwood Senior.  Yup, Darwood's dad.  He's 10 years older than I am, so not old enough to be my father, but certainly old enough to have a little different perspective.  He was my bishop at the hardest point in my life, when all hung in the balance, and at that instant and in those unique circumstances quite literally saved it.  At great personal cost to himself, I might add.  He is grumpy.  He is completely lacking in any desire to be social.  We eat together regularly, but I can only think of one single instance when it was his idea.  He's there for me when I need him.  Lacking any real handyman skills, I shamelessly take advantage of Darwood Senior's skills as a craftsman.  He never complains.  We don't really have the opportunity now, what with Darwood having his own career and babies, but when Darwood was a teen, the three of us seemed to always be doing something fun together.  Camping and a trip to Magic Mountain come instantly to mind.  And I would have to say that Darwood Senior and Darwood have the best father-son relationship I have ever seen.  

Darwood Senior knows I am gay.  He never criticizes me for it, although I think it is well out of his realm of understanding.  But Darwood Senior is the kind of guy who can love and care without complete understanding.

Friend #4:  Which brings us to the motivator for this post: Craig.  I have previously posted about Craig.  Craig and I met in high school.  He's funny.  He's crude.  He's a bit of an oddity - clearly straight and loves all kinds of sports, but also has a feminine sensitive side and loved acting in high school.  I had a bit of a crush on Craig our junior year.  I didn't really even realize it and it didn't last long, but it was there.  We have stayed friends now for over 25 years.  

I don't get to see Craig much, but we make time for each other when I visit Zion, with laughter and old memories the order of the day from start to finish.  I barely know his kids, and his wife only somewhat better, but it's clear that Craig has told them about me, and often at that.  He knows many dark, ugly things about me, and yet still loves and cares for me.  He also knows I'm gay and has never reacted negatively.  I can't really say that he's supportive, but he's not judgmental.  Much like Darwood Senior, I just think the concept is outside of his wheel house.  I truly love and cherish Craig.

I learned earlier this week that Craig will be going in for major surgery tomorrow.  I knew he was in the hospital for a few days at Christmas, but thought he was doing well.  However, his wife sent an e-mail explaining what was happening.  He has struggled with a debilitating, painful disease for twenty years.  It has reached the point where two major surgeries are now required.  I spoke to Craig this morning.  He seemed upbeat and positive but I could just sense the nervousness.  I've been thinking about him now for several days.

I think all will go well.  He is young (like me!), is generally otherwise in good health and is under the care of excellent medical professionals.  His wife, children, parents, siblings and many friends support him.  All surgery, like the entirety of life, is a risk, but I have every reason to believe he will do well.  In fact this surgery may enhance his life considerably.  And yet, still there is a danger.  I cannot imagine a world without Craig in it.  I love and care for him very much and will be nervous and worried over the coming weeks and months as he goes through surgeries and recovery periods.

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Craig's upcoming struggles and my temporary separation from Val have me thinking about friends.  The four I've discussed in this post are important, even essential, parts of my life.  I have many others I could write about, making what has turned out to be a ridiculously long post into interminable.  Without all of them I would be nothing.  

I will simply finish with the words of the incomparable Dionne Warwick (Solid Gold show memories anyone??):

Keep smiling
Keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me for sure
That's what friends are for
In good times, in bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for