I used to believe that I least understood the "transgender" folks in the LGBT universe. No more. I think I get it now. These good folks simply feel that their birth gender doesn't match their psychological gender. I don't see it as a "flaw" or "mistake", but simply an unusual mismatch that occasionally happens. Seeking to make the two match is natural and, given the world we live in, extremely brave. So, I do feel that I have a much better understanding of these folks than I did when I first posted about this issue some time ago.
I now think I'm most confused about our bisexual friends. I'm gay. I like guys. In fact, girls are icky to me (sorry ladies - no offense Duck). I can imagine few things less appealing than sex with a woman. I truly think it would be impossible for me to have sexual relations with a woman. I mean it is a bit difficult for us guys to "fake" it right?
I have a straight buddy who is reasonably comfortable discussing sexuality and the differences between what appeals to straight guys and gay guys. He feels the same way about gay sex as I feel about straight sex. In fact, I think it's why he really accepts the fact that I can't simply force myself to get married and have "normal" sex just because some god somewhere said "thus it is". He sees how impossible it would be for him to have gay sex of any kind and so understands where I am coming from.
So, that is what perplexes me a fair amount. I'm gay and can't even contemplate straight sex without cringing. While I can appreciate a beautiful woman for her inherent beauty, I don't feel any sexual attraction to any part of her. I suspect this is the same for straight folks. Perhaps they know objectively that a member of their own gender is attractive, but that's completely disconnected from sexual atttraction.
How, then, is it that bisexual folks can be sexually attracted to both genders? Don't mistake my lack of understanding for disapproval. Just the opposite. I'm jealous because I consider that an advantage. I mean, it does open up the field considerably, does it not? Playing for either team surely allows for access to a much broader range of teammates.
Here's my theory, based on no science whatsoever and firmly grounded in pure conjecture sprinkled with confidence in my own brilliance: I suggest that bisexual folks are driven first by emotional connection, with physical attraction a distant second, perhaps even a byproduct of the emotional draw. I believe these folks may in fact be the most comfortable in their sexuality. They reject the pressure to be "normal" that the straight, often religious community can bring to bear, and likewise refuse to succumb to the homosexual community's sometimes equally insistent urging that any expression of desire for the opposite sex is simply a coping mechanism to make their "gayness" more acceptable. With sexual attraction of secondary importance, our bisexual friends can focus on finding that elusive and all important emotional, interpersonal connection with the sexual part of the relationship only becoming a factor once that connection is made.
Thoughts? Any bisexuals out there? Truth is I don't recall seeing any bisexual representation in the Moho blogging community. If you're out there, I'd love to hear from you.
Catching Up on a Few Things
1. I really miss Val Po. Absence makes the heart grow, well, more absent. He's a great guy with a bright future. This brief interruption in our friendship is harder than I thought it would be. I guess I love and care about him more than I realized. Damn me and my attachments!
2. Craig's surgery went as well as could be expected. Unfortunately when they removed a portion of his intestine they discovered cancer. The good news is they feel like they got it all, he's going through chemo just as a precaution and the successful treatment rate is about 85%. Still, it's hard for me to believe that we are old enough to worry about such things. Weren't we just sitting in Algebra II, going on Desolation Wilderness week long camping trips and celebrating our high school graduation together? Amazing. I'm thinking about a quick trip to Zion to see him over president's day weekend. About ready for a road trip anyway.
3. I've definitely stayed away from the Vapor Rub.
4. I've changed my mind. It may well never happen, but I want to have sex.
5. The latest lego:
I use to think I was bisexual but just come to realize it was hopeful wishing on my part. I do get it though and for me, I think there are probably more bisexual people alive, than gay or straight. There is just so much stigma attached to sex that they don't see it, or won't recognize it.
ReplyDeleteAlso, wicked cool lego creations. I use to love playing with those!
I think bisexuality is a common "bridge" between acting the heterosexual part and publicly acknowledging one's homosexuality. I'm a bit of a connoisseur of YouTube coming out videos and have noticed that, especially the middle teens, feel more comfortable telling people they are bisexual. Most of the time they acknowledge that they are purely and truly gay, but just thought it made it easier to come out.
DeleteAnd, Trevor my boy, one does not PLAY with Lego. Lego is serious business sir.
I am not at all offended by your calling girls "icky". Yes, I know that we have girl cooties. :) Just how you feel about having sex with a woman is pretty much the same way I feel about having sex with a man. So, we are good. You can call having sex with a girl, or girls in general, icky.
ReplyDeleteI like that you post your thoughts and ideas, that they are "sprinkled with confidence in " your "own brilliance". Great words. And, they made me laugh, in a good way. :) You are an amazing Lego builder. I think you should give up your full-time job and design Lego layouts. I am SURE there is a market for them!
The weather should start warming up sometime here in Utah and then it becomes motorcycle riding time. I am still thinking about buying a Harley and all because of what you have shared about them. :)
Happy night! Love, always, Duck
P.S. Will you be attending "The Lego Movie" in a couple of days? Did you design their sets?
ReplyDeleteUm...they say bi is just a short stop on the way to the gay station--or something like that...
ReplyDeletejust kidding...
I too used to consider myself bi--after all I was married (to a woman) and have children--I'm sure this very topic will come up in my up-coming visit with the parents in April...sigh--tangent aside--it was more of a hope than the reality. I've used my own interpretation of the Kinsey scale which reveals that I might be around a 5.something in the scale, nowhere near the middle, I guess I just needed to feel completely comfortable to deal with the meaning of it all back in my self-imposed 'bisexual days'--as of today I have no drive/attraction for females and that's okay--to each its own.
I think one Moho blogger who identifies as Bi: http://clearfogginess.blogspot.com/ and I know Ned used to blog a while ago, also considers (or used to) consider himself bi. Personally I think it is a possibility and I agree with the notion that the attraction may be emotional first then physical or those whose sexuality and feelings of acceptance have reached a point where it doesn't matter, you're attracted to who you are attracted and that's it--who is to really say.
Glad to read about your friend, sending good vibes. Sorry about the other friend that you're missing. Legos look awesome, I'm amazed of the stuff that can be done with those.
Finally your desire to get busy in the sexual department...let's just talk off-line, ha, ha, ha!!
Hugs,Miguel
Good luck with your folks. My mom passed away some time ago and my dad ... well, let's just say my dad doesn't care provided we never discuss it. So, I don't have the parent issues you might.
DeleteI'd say I'm 70% certain of a quick nip out to Utah for the weekend. I'll let you know. It'll be a whirlwind but maybe we can grab a quick lunch. That is if you can squeeze me in amongst all your romantic Valentines plans :).
You never said- did you go to "The Lego Movie" yet? I heard it is pretty good. Heck, I might even go myself. :)
ReplyDeleteI hope you are alright and that life is treating you well. Are you alright?
Sending love and good energy your way. Duck
I'm fine duck. Not to worry. Just a bit distracted is all. Yes I saw the Lego Movie. And yes it was very very awesome. Better than I thought it would be. I went out of loyalty and ended up loving it. As for my Lego skills I just follow directions. Not very creative. And the movie is about that too. My poor Harley is very forlorn. It rained all weekend so it didn't get ridden. Been a few weeks and I may be out if town this weekend. Take the plunge. No regrets here.
DeleteI'm fine. Don't worry.
Hey I'm new to the MOHO community. I just read your post here and I get what you're saying. For me i identified as bisexual for several years because I was married to a man but couldn't in good conscience say that I was straight. I had never been with a woman but I knew that I liked what I saw and being with either of my husbands was ok. After a quick foray into polyamory and being with a woman for the first time I discovered that really sex with men was not something that I was interested in doing again, ever. Sorry, but gross.
ReplyDeleteI think that for me bisexual identity was a stepping stone to get past the expectations of my family and community and my sheer pig headedness at not being able to imagine family sans straight context, and I knew I wanted kids. i still struggle with this and have a lot of guilt around pairing up while I have my children at home still. Somehow this will make them broken people or put them through more troubles than they deserve. They already have 2 dads though (one biological, one step dad both straight) why not 2 moms? huh that just occurred to me just now.
I don't know about other bisexual people but I think a large portion of the bisexual community might be in an in between place like I was.It's hard to sit in comfortably, there's a lot of pressure to justify oneself to just about everyone, explain how it's possible. It wasn't possible for me.
Welcome aboard and thanks for reading. I appreciate your insight. Demonstrating my ignorance, I have always assumed that it was easier for gay women to maintain a sexual relationship with a man. The biological part just seemed a bit more accommodating. But I really know nothing about any of that.
DeleteAs for your kids, well who the heck knows. They are going to be who they are. No child has the make believe, television experience. I suspect, if nothing else, they will learn an open mindedness and toleration that other children might not.
Nice lego BTW
ReplyDelete