My Parents - I Guess I Was Pretty Lucky

I actually came out to my mom and dad when I was 19. It was the morning of my missionary farewell. I had been stressed and not feeling good about almost everything, especially going on a mission. Looking back I realize how truly miserable my struggles with my sexuality had made me. And my serious questions and doubts about the Church and the Gospel certainly didn't help.

We sat down in my dad's office at home and I just told them. In fact, I was downright direct about it, something I suppose I should take a little pride in. Now, I should give some context. This is 1987, Ronald Reagan still hadn't even recognized the existence of AIDS and we were only 10 years removed from looney Anita Bryant and her her venomous anti-gay bigotry. My dad was raised in small town Southern Utah and mom's family was from Idaho originally.

I am amazed today at how lucky I am. Many LDS parents of that era (not a few today too I imagine) would have cried, or tried to send me to therapy, or threatened me, or heaven knows what. My mom's two reactions were (1) don't worry, we won't tell your brothers, and (2) if we didn't have the standards we do, we would take you to a prostitute so that you could see how good the real thing is.

My father was amazingly understanding, and shared some person reflections that surprised me. Now, it is important to know that my father was not a reflective man really. Still isn't for that matter. The here and now is what he mostly concerns himself with, which seems to have lead to a reasonably worry free life. At least that's how it appears from the outside. So, for him to be so insightful on the subject was pretty amazing.

I'm not suggesting my parents were perfect. They pretty much ignored what I told them. In fact we never discussed the subject again. My mom passed away without ever really having another conversation with me about it. And there are plenty of difficult feelings I have about the way I was raised. BUT, I am very grateful for their measured and calm response to what must have been the last thing they wanted to hear.

So, I guess I'm a lucky man.